| I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace.–Diane Ackerman I love the aspiration of this Gratefulness.org “Word of the Day” quote for April 30. Diane Ackerman is a gifted writer. But I have a bit of a problem with the opening phrase, if it’s taken to mean we should reject feelings of hatred outright rather than recognizing the feelings of hatred that are bound to arise as “spiritual beings having a human experience.” Rejecting any emotion cuts us off from the gifts we may receive from these arisings. Hate is a normal human emotion when our way is being blocked by someone or something. Is there a mother in history who hasn’t heard the words at least once from even her sweetest child, “I hate you!” And these days, we certainly see it expressed/acted out all over the place: from the highest office in the land; in gun-toting “protestors” in state capitals and outside the homes of compassionate health officials like Dr. Amy Acton of Ohio; not to mention in vigilante citizens gunning down joggers for “running while black.” By the way, my rage rises up within me just typing those last three clauses. So what do I do with that hatred? Try to deny it? Distract, or medicate to keep it repressed, and then the next time my internet goes out, I can rage and scream at the injustice? Because this rage is really not going anywhere by my refusing to feel it. Nor does acting it out in a way to discharge the feeling really do much other than perhaps provide a momentary relief. What we can do, however, is to feel the hatred and rage as it rises. First feeling it directed toward the object or objects of our hatred, if that helps us to truly feel the physical and psychic sensations of hate, then to slowly detach from the objects of our hate, and explore the actual felt experience of hatred. What does hatred truly feel like in our bodies? It may feel like heat at first, and may even become an icy heartless coldness. There may be a deadly blackness to it. What are thoughts or memories that accompany our hatred? Maybe we remember a situation of abuse or injustice we suffered in silence as a child or teenager. We may even become aware of our own self-hatred, a very difficult emotion to experience. If we can just explore the sensations of hatred, perhaps we can let go of attaching it to the current object of our hate, including our own selves if that’s where the hatred is directed, and just allow hatred to arise in its fullness as the inner observer witnesses all its dynamics. With a full exploration we may discover a profound transformation. That deadly blackness may begin to take on the shape of a still, starless night, dense and comforting, recognized as a holding space for our individual souls and for all that is, in which skewed emotions like hatred— borne out of frustration, genuine injustice and/or abuse—are annihilated in this powerful force, annihilated in the way that in the initial arising of our hatred, we’d wished to destroy that and those which we hated. Hatred is an obstacle to an authentic personal power that is not based in instinctual drives or narcissistic needs, what Gandhi termed “soul force.” But obstacles need to be understood and seen through, not avoided or rejected. Hatred is a potential gateway to true power acting from love rather than ego. So I offer this slight change to Ms. Ackerman’s wonderful quote: “I will not dishonor my soul by acting out my hatred that I might allow for its transformation.” And then, may I “offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace.” |
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